Pursuing with lies

Mood: Disappointed

Listen to: Blue Sands by Yuna

Few days back aku telah belajar about another fact of life. Manusia sanggup buat apa sahaja untuk dapatkan sesuatu even when they have to lie about it. Dalam erti kata lain, some people sanggup menipu dan mempergunakan orang lain untuk kesenangan dan kepentingan diri sendiri. What was that all about?

Bagi aku, itu sesuatu yang kejam. Mungkin dengan cara menipu kita boleh mendapatkan apa yang kita mahukan itu dengan mudah. Tapi kesan untuk jangka masa panjang, biasanya tidak begitu lama. Sepandai-pandai tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah juga. Dan yang pasti, apa yang kita perolehi itu bukanlah sesuatu yang diterima ikhlas. Hanya kerana tertipu.

For what it worth, I don't have to lie te get what I want, neither to hurt other people's feelings just to satisfy my needs. Even if I couldn't get it, at least it worth trying when you really doing it in the right way. There is no point of lying just to full fill yourself, when you realise that what you'll get won't last just because of the way you pursue of getting it.

Kenapa harus tipu?

Simple Life

Mood: Wonder
Listen to: Mistaken by Save Ferris

All I want is a simple life just like most of the people. A place to call a home, a family who always cheers you up, a good job where you have to wait until the end of the month to get pay, a nice car that can take you anywhere you want, a pet that you can play with, a place where you can spend your paycheck to, a best friend who you can share your stories with, a group of friends who you love to hang out with, a hobby that keep you away from boredom and a lover who loves you and understand you.

Where? When? Who? What? Why?

Will I ever be on a safer and simple stage of life?

True Colors

Mood: Disappointed
Listen to: Why by Secondhand Serenade

Now I really saw his true colors. To judge based on what other people told me rasa macam unfair. Luckily aku dah nampak sendiri and I have made the assumptions daripada apa yang aku lihat. I was mistaken him for somebody else.

Maybe I am a bit disappointed bila dapat tahu the truth. Tapi at the same time aku rasa lucky and selamat daripada teruskan something yang clearly based on fake-ness. All I need was to know the real person. Not the person that I want or expected him to be. But he was hiding under a plastic skin where everything seems to be flawless. Why?

Somehow, it is such a relived where I don't have to keep this unknown feeling any longer. I don't need a friend like that.

Mummy is my mother

Mood: Thoughtful

Listen to: One of Us by Joan Osbourne

Yes, today is the Mother's Day and I didn't celebrated it enough since I am running out of budget and my siblings was not around. All me and my mummy did today was having lunch at The Manhattan Fish and a shopping trip at Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman. You know, mum's shopping spot. But so far so good. Since aku dah quite lama tak spent time dengan dia just the two of us.

As the youngest son among 3 children, aku maybe quite manja as all of the people said. I am much closer to my mummy than my daddy. Why? Sebab she is the want who still taking care of me, my needs and my emotions. Percaya atau tidak, I slept with my mummy on the same bed until I was 13 years old. Even my daddy kena tidur in my room at that moment. I've been living with my mum since I was born. And ada satu masa where I decided to move out, she was miserable. Almost everyday dia called aku just to make sure if aku dah makan and everything. You know la, mummy's boy (kononnya).

Not for long, aku jadi rebellious and got on my mummy's nerves once in a while. After that, aku dah jadi black sheep of the family. I am no longer the best child or the one she shared everything with. And sometimes aku jadi sedih for that. Teringatkan how close we was before and to compare with now where I really don't know what to talk about bila berdua dengan dia.

But I am still his son and I love her so much more than anything in this world. For 26 years and still, dia masih ada untuk tolong aku although kene go through procedures yang menyakitkan telinga. LOL. She is the best.

Sickening Friday

Mood: Irritated
Listen to: I Know Kung Fu by ShitDisco

I am no longer a big fan of Friday anymore. Friday just getting worse bila semua excitement yang aku tunggu bothered by superficial surroundings. Again, aku rasa annoyed. Gosh, kenapa banyak sangat irritation yang aku kene go through this whole week? One thing after another. Apa benda yang nak dibanggakan sangat when your life were just as messed up as mine? Its not like it is the end of it. Ada saja cara untuk overcome those problems.

Sooner or later bila dia dah realise yang it is just another stupid mistake, I am sure dia akan datang balik crawling begging me to listen tentang dilemma dia dan pasangan dia yang memang useless to. Yang pasti, dia jadi buah mulut kawan-kawan yang lain. Too bad sebab dia ada kawan-kawan yang concerned. How could a person be so stupid just untuk elak daripada being alone. Macam tak ada orang lain. Yang gemuk, bodoh, tak ada duit, hot-tempered, busuk, penagih, loser and annoying tu yang dia pertahankan. Memalukan. Dia boleh neglected surroundings just untuk pertahankan kekasih yang has absolutely nothing but cheap talk.

Aku geli bila tengok diorang bermanja. It was absolutely fake to me. Sebab after few minutes, a fight will come along. Tak percaya ada manusia yang sanggup perjudikan maruah diri just demi kasih sayang yang tak ke mana. Sorry, but aku pandang rendah pada orang jenis macam tu. Yes, aku tak invest anything pun untuk dia. Tapi aku ada rights of speaking my own perceptions due to the so called friendship yang kami built for the past few years.

Friends do come and go. So why do I care if I am loosing a friend like you.

Kau annoying!

Mood: Irritated

Listen to: Drive by Bic Runga

Aku rasa annoyed dengan luahan seorang 'kawan' aku tadi. As we were talking, dia beritahu yang dia terasa sunyi without anyone to share his problems with. Then aku suggested untuk dia to go and look for someone yang bole jadi a shoulder to cry on. And he said NO because dia harus memilih somebody yang setaraf dengan bekas kekasih dia yang kononnya handsome and baik. He bragged about it and aku seriously rasa annoyed.

Apa salahnya kalau dia mencuba sebab bukan semua manusia yang handsome tu baik dalamannya. Besides, dia sendiri bukan seorang yang layak untuk terlalu memilih. When I said that, dia cuma jawap; "kalau I pernah dapat, tak kan tak boleh dapat lagi?". WTH? Kita tak sentiasa bertuah and in fact lelaki yang kononnya handsome tu pun tinggalkan dia untuk kawan dia sendiri. So what the hell was that?

Kata-kata dia untuk cuba pertahankan diri dia buat aku rasa betul-betul irritated as if he only deserve such a person. Fascist. Apa salahnya kalau buka minda yang terlalu narrow tu and bagi opportunity pada those less-fortunate yang tidak begitu handsome untuk cuba buktikan yang mereka layak untuk di kasihi dan mengasihi. Dan mungkin lebih baik daripada mereka yang a little lucky dilahirkan dengan rupa yang molek.

And that's the end of our conversation. Aku tak perlu orang jenis itu ada dalam friendship's list aku. Yikess!