Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Back & Forth

Once in a while I feel like migrating. I feel like moving on to a different place, to live in a new environment. I want to taste how does it feel to be a brand new person in a brand new place; where no one knows who I am and what I have been through in the past. I can't be reborn. So I suggested myself I should just leave this place and keep going until I reach another destination. Somewhere far away from here, somewhere  unfamiliar; some other place where I can be a new 'me', meeting new people; getting new chances and living with new hope. I dreamed a lot about it these days.

But in reality, I am stuck. I can barely even move an inch. Why do I keep wondering here; the place that I am no longer belong to. I am unwanted here.

I packed my stuff and I have actually left. I have walked a few spots and ran a few miles. But somehow I am back where I began. Is there some sort of strong magnetic power here that drag me back into the circle whenever I try to escape?

Why am I still here? Can I just leave and move on? What exactly am I hoping for?  I hate feeling like this! Not knowing if I should actually stay or should I just go. Why do I have to keep questioning myself again? Do what my heart says? That really does not work at all; believe me.

Maybe I still have feeling for this place; regardless those cracks on the walls and those broken glasses. I still somehow love it here.

Do I really have to go?