It have been 13 years since you gone. Somehow, Hari Raya always reminded me the day you left. It was unexpected and kadang-kadang rasa macam tak boleh terima. Tapi Allah lebih sayangkan kamu. Early this morning, I stopped by in front of that 'place'. I've been doing it almost every year since the past 4 years of celebrating Hari Raya alone. Each and every time I rasa nak masuk and just go to your spot. Tapi I still don't have the guts and itu yang paling I sakit hati. Ever since you gone, I just tak pernah pergi to any funeral even my atok's and nenek's. I just couldn't stand that specific memories that reminded me that you're gone. You have went to 'that' place masa I wasn't ready to let you go.
Maybe masa berlalu cepat and I banyak dah lupakan our moments. Tapi trust me, I tak pernah lupa apa saja yang you dah lakukan and sacrificed for my happiness. You taught me about commitment which I didn't have the clue at that early age. You taught me to sacrifice for the love ones. You taught me to be me. And I am so thankful for that. I sangat appreciate all of that.
There were times we fought and we argued over big things and silly things. Tapi you were the one yang selalu pujuk and mengalah. I am so sorry for that to happened. We were young; I was so naive and you were so matured for your age. I am sorry for that last phone call few hours before you left me. We argued over Hari Raya. I sentiasa rasa bersalah even until now for not being understanding enough masa tu. And worse of all, I tak sempat nak betul-betul minta maaf pada you. That is the biggest burden yang I tanggung sampai sekarang. But I hope somehow you can forgive me for that.
Sometimes I just wondered, kalau you masih ada lagi will we still be together? But I bet not. Masa akan banyak buat kita berubah. Tapi yang pastinya, you are such a wonderful person yang sentiasa buat I rasa bertuah and I will never forget you. Rasa there were so many things to share and I know mungkin you sendiri nampak from up there. Its tough and somehow you are quite lucky not to have go through all of that.
Dalam setiap doa I akan sentiasa sebut nama you. Time passes by tak bermakna I terus lupakan you and be happy. Especially when it comes to Hari Raya, it was that specific tragedy sentiasa haunting me and making me a bit turn off with this occasion; plus with many other failure near to it. I miss you so much if only you could hear me say it out. The only thing I can do is to berdoa agar you berada di tempat yang baik-baik. Again, I am so sorry for everything and I am regret not to find the courage untuk melawat you di 'situ'. Insyallah, I will one day. Terima kasih for every single thing. I miss you, I really do.
Bangun pagi dengan senyuman. Rasa lebih semangat. What he said is true I guess. Hands off dah. I am feeling much better. And I am sure I will be a better person in times untuk Dia dan mereka who deserves. Terima kasih walau dengan amarah untuk sedarkan aku. You know I appreciate that, kan? Untuk hari-hari kau sudi mendengar dan berkongsi, untuk tatap muka annoyed aku, untuk dengar segala alasan aku, untuk every drop of tears yang kau keluarkan untuk sedarkan aku, untuk pengorbanan masa dan kepentingan, you know I am so thankful for all that and amat aku hargai.
Soal masa depan, belum masa nak dijadikan issue. Apa pun terima kasih atas kesanggupan untuk go through all this with me walau pada dasarnya its 'none of your business'. Sorry tiap kali aku lafazkan kata-kata yang cuba untuk menegakkan satu frasa yang aku pernah percaya dulu. Sekarang heart and soul lebih clear kan? Harap-harap hari mendatang akan jadi lebih baik dari yang terbaik.