Tuesday, September 18, 2012

I Am Changing

Sekian lama...

Macam-macam jadi. I have gained something, I have lost something. I guess that is a normal circle in life, bukan? Nak compile semua dalam 1 post, memang mustahil. Besides there are a few things yang aku rasa masih belum bersedia untuk dikongsi. So, I just want to share the feeling I have at this particular moment.

Sungguh, lately aku rasa betul-betul nak berubah. At one point aku rasa macam "cukup-cukup lah tu". I admitted without hesitation, I am a mean person. Or at least that WAS who I am before. Hobi aku mengutuk orang and downgraded them. I talked about people behind their back. I look down on their abilities. I always thought I am much better then them. By looking down on them, aku rasa puas. But who am I kidding?

Sampai satu tahap, I think I am making a fool out of myself by doing all those mean thing. Konon, by doing all that boleh buat aku rasa lebih bagus in person. Hell no! In fact aku lagi merugikan masa dan fikiran aku dengan mencari masalah serta kekurangan orang lain, instead of perbaiki kekurangan dan selesaikan masalah aku sendiri. I hate that version of me!

Now, honestly, aku sedar. I don't want to be that person anymore. I should give people a chance to prove and to build themselves up. I should be there to help rather than to steal away their self esteem. I should have been there to tell the truth and be completely honest instead of making fun and talking bad things behind their back. I don't know about you. But I seriously don't want to be that person anymore.

"I am sorry to those who became my victims all of these days. I am truly sorry. I know I have been so mean with or without you knowing it. Again, I am sorry. I hope you could find a way to forgive me. Give me a chance to change. I know I can be better.

Sincerely; Me."