Propaganda Sesuap Nasi

Currently, saya menghadapi dilemma perkerjaan. Rasanya bukan saya saja. But most of the people around me pun facing almost the same problem. Biasalah, bila awal tahun lepas ada yang dapat bonus dan ada yang dapat biskut kering dan milo percuma di pantry saja.

Lately gatal-gatal tangan browsed through jobstreet. Kononnya nak cuba nasib looking for a better offer. Manusia kan tak pernah puas; betul? So far, tak ada masalah besar pun di tempat kerja. Semua running smoothly. In fact too smooth sampai aku kadang-kadang rasa macam makan gaji buta. Ada lazy bums kata; "best la!". Tapi bagi saya yang dedicate terhadap kerja ni (serious betul) rasa banyak buang masa. But no complaint; I am learning a lot here plus my lady boss merupakan juara 'The Best Boss Award' dalam hidup saya so far. Cuma satu makhluk dalam ni yang super-annoying. But despite all that, semua okay-okay saja.

So, dalam beberapa companies yang telah saya applied, ada la some of them yang saya dapat called back for an interview. One of them dah passed and wants to hire me. A same position, slightly wider job scope and better income. Tapi aku masih belum bagi jawapan. They gave me 2 weeks to think about their offer. Wah, rasa macam berkepentingan (hahahaha). There is another 2 more companies shortlisted me for an interview. In fact hari ni pun ada satu; which I rejected sebab tak dapat escape untuk attend the interview. Well, tak tahu macam mana nak manage all this without effecting my current job.

Pasal offer bulan 2 yang di carry forward ke bulan 3 ni masih dalam pertaruhan pulak. Memang minat, memang impian. Tapi saya masih ragu-ragu akan kebolehan sebenar dalam bidang yang jauh daripada pengalaman tapi cuma lahir daripada minat dah kebolehan. Dilemma lagi, kan?

So, macam itu la routine harian buat beberapa minggu ni and perhaps untuk beberapa minggu yang mendatang. Berat hati nak proceed untuk kerja di company lain; to make new friends, to adapt new environment, to face new office politics, to deal with different ways of working, etc. Besides, saya dah rasa selesa dengan environment sekarang where I am minding my own stuff, doing job that assigned almost perfectly, have few wonderful workmates that I really can adapt to and most importantly boss kesayangan yang sangat supportive. I am learning a lot here. Jadi, semua applications yang telah dibuat ni kena betul-betul consider for both parties. Takut if I am making a mistake by choosing a wrong job. Apa pun, good luck untuk hari ini, esok dan hari-hari mendatang.

Well, sebenarnya bukan saja untuk sesuap nasi.

Tak Dapat Terima Kenyataan

'Tak dapat terima kenyataan'

Rasanya itu frasa yang paling sesuai untuk sesetengah golongan yang cuba menyangkal sesuatu fakta. Kadang-kadang sebab terlalu alpa atau terlalu termakan kata-kata, manusia boleh jadi hilang. Lenyapkan realiti yang sebenarnya terang lagi bersuluh dengan cuba percaya akan kata-kata yang cuma; hanya kata-kata sahaja.

'Tak dapat terima kenyataan'

Kenyataan yang sebenarnya mudah dan sudah seringkali terjadi. Tapi mungkin atas desakan nafsu untuk mempercayai sesuatu yang sebenarnya palsu buat sesetengah jadi dibelenggu dalam kepompong yang penuh tanda tanya. Sejauh mana kesahihan kata-kata?

Kita biar buta mata, tapi jangan buta hati. Tak semua yang kau dengar, kau rasa atau kau impikan itu perkara yang benar-benar ikhlas atau wujud dengan sejujurnya. Kata-kata cuma sekadar manis mulut yang dapat membuktikan kau jenis mudah jatuh. Atas dasar 'tak dapat terima kenyataan', benda yang nyata kau tolak tepi dan kau cuba tegakkan benang yang basah. Atau mungkin atas faktor 'tidak mahu kalah' kau.

Jujur aku nasihatkan, jangan terlalu ikutkan perasaan kau yang kadang-kadang buat aku rasa seolah-olah kau sungguh menjengkelkan bila perbualan itu menuju ke arah di mana kau cuba bukitkan yang kau lebih bagus dari aku. Kenapa? Sebab kata-kata dia yang sudah lama terbukti akan penipuannya. Kau nak di takuk fantasi ciptaan kau dan dia; go ahead. Don't drag me into it because I am done believing it for so long. Kau nak jadi sandaran; that's your problem. Tapi jangan pertikaikan benda yang aku sendiri tahu dan kebenarannya. Jangan cemburui aku kerana benda jadi bukan silap aku. Silap kau terlalu naive dan mudah percaya. Yang pasti ini bukan pertama kali. Jadi sematang kamu, boleh elaborate dan cari konklusi sendiri.

"I am not a kid anymore and this is not my kind of game".

Manusia Tak Belajar Dari Kesilapan

Manusia, tak akan pernah lari from making mistakes; that's a fact. In return, most of us akan rasa "its okay, we learned from mistakes". Tapi personally, phrase itu cuma frasa penyedap hati.

We made mistakes and we thought we are going to learn from it. Perhaps we could do better the next time and not to repeat the same mistakes again. True bila tekankan 'not to repeat the same mistakes again'. Tapi tak tahu la intentionally or unintentionally, kita akan buat other mistakes which much worse. So conclusion here, we doesn't really learn from that mistakes. In fact we will create more mistakes that is much more worse. Rebellious atau tak sengaja?

A short story example: A guy met a girl few months back and somehow decided to declare their relationship based on their feelings; that is love. Few months later the girl decided to leave for some reasons that she wanted to be a better person. The guy was disappointed but somehow he just tried to let it be if it was the best thing for her. She made her first mistake when actually she always knew that the guy was the best thing that ever happened to her and the only one who knows how to treat her at her very best. But not long after that he found out that she met another guy. But then again, she left him without giving any perfect reason. And the new guy was disappointed. Well actually, that was not the first time she left the new guy. She used to gave him hopes way back then but the same thing happened. So that's another mistake that she made. For believing her; and that was the second mistakes that the new guy made.

Clearly, in that situation the girl keep making mistakes and thought that she might learn from it. But no, she keep making more mistake yang lebih besar dan menimbulkan perasaan dendam towards certain people. As for the new guy, he had gone through it once and hoped that he won't repeat the same mistake again. And yet masih cuba percaya at the second time. But still got ditched and dumped. Which making it much worse the next time.

So assuming that we might be in this kind of situation, could you be more agree with me? I observed, I made my researched in so many examples and situations. What I found was, people just trying so hard to believe that they might learn from mistakes. For some people, they succeed. But for the most of them, they failed. They even put themselves in a much more worse conditions and situations. Jadi mana kata-kata tu pergi?

Ya, kita manusia tak boleh lari dari lakukan kesilapan. Tapi cuba buka mata, buka hati. Jangan terlalu naif dalah soal kehidupan. Sorry won't last for repeating mistakes, you know. It can only make you such an ego, stupid, heartless and self-conscious creature. Know your mistakes, avoid it from happen again. Force yourself to stop it if you have to. Jangan ikut perasaan. Soon it will burn you with all the mistakes that you made. Binasa.

Ini cuma sekadar pendapat dari self experiences and observation around me.

Friends

"Friends don't ditch friends".

Rasa macam there are so many dissatisfaction. Rasa macam too many to complain. Tapi should I or should I not? Or perhaps, I should just keep it to myself.

Orang kata, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Tapi rasanya that saying dah tak boleh pakai. Especially bila your friends just making you the less priority. Tapi mungkin bukan salah mereka. Some people just too busy with their life rather then just to entertain you; correct?

Ntah la. Maybe it has been a hard time for me and none of them are available to talk to or to at least listen.

Friends...

Speaking of change

One day we are on the top. The next day we are at the bottom. That's normal; that's just how life supposed to be. Tapi apa yang penting, aku banyak belajar while going through this journey of knowing people while understanding myself. Masih banyak to explore; I admit. Tapi hati, tolong jangan give up.

As a human, kita masih full of flaws and imperfection. We are like Baroque. Some say, imperfections tu yang buat kita sort of 'realistically' perfect. How far the truth is? I agree to disagree. Itu cuma satu frasa escapism yang nak elak diri daripada berusaha untuk jadi lebih yang terbaik.

True bila kita kena accept our other half just the way they are. True kalau semua manusia tak perfect; including aku. Tapi jangan jadikan alasan yang kita ni tak sempurna untuk avoid diri dari lakukan perubahan. There are always room for improvement either kita nampak or tak. Peluang sentiasa ada for those who really want to make those changes in their life. Most importantly, kena ada efforts yang banyak sebab things are not that easy. Bukan niat untuk jadi sempurna (which something we never gonna be). Just enough dengan berusaha untuk menjadi yang lebih baik.

Speaking for perubahan, there are a lot that we need to sacrifice in order to make those changes. Nothing venture, nothing gain (no pain, no gain?). So kalau so hard untuk make sacrifices, then sukar nak dapat satu pembaharuan. Pasal past, there's nothing we can actually do about it sebab kita tak ada kuasa untuk putar balik masa and to undo what ever mistakes that we have made. Kalau la hidup macam tulisan dalam kertas, yang salah boleh dipadam dengan liquid paper. Tapi it is not like that, kan? So the least we could do is to let it go. Let it all go and just improve for the better.

Cakap senang, kan?

Well, susah kalau kita buat benda jadi lagi susah. Instead of tunggu nanti-nanti, why not we start to make those efforts now? Time wait for nobody; true. If we realised it already, then why do we have to wait? Tunggu untuk kita berubah pendirian balik? Tunggu sampai yang lain give up?

Dunia tak ada remote control yang kita boleh pause seketika and start balik bila kita ready.

Semuanya hanya untuk memajukan diri. Untuk jadi yang lebih baik. Untuk harapan, kepercayaan yang diberi. Untuk jadi a better version of ourselves. Untuk happiness waiting ahead for those who seek for it.

Sometimes rasa macam kena push diri. Itu pun dah jadi satu sacrifice. Sometimes kita buat benda yang kita tak pernah buat. Itu pun dah jadi satu sacrifice. Sometimes rasa berat nak lepaskan apa yang dah seronok kita miliki. Itu pun dah jadi satu sacrifice. Hidup dalam dunia memang la sentiasa kena berkorban untuk dapatkan apa yang kita nak, and untuk improvement dalam diri.

Tak cuba? Tak akan tahu result.

At the end of the day, aku, kau dan mereka tahu apa benefits yang aku bebelkan ni. Aku, kau dan mereka masih diberi peluang untuk lakukan perubahan. Jadi, chances are not meant to be take for granted. Make full use of it. Selagi ada di depan mata. Kalau dah hilang nanti, menyesal pun tak guna.

Aku, kau dan mereka perlu lakukan perubahan.