Surat Seribu Kemaafan

Dear you,

It have been 13 years since you gone. Somehow, Hari Raya always reminded me the day you left. It was unexpected and kadang-kadang rasa macam tak boleh terima. Tapi Allah lebih sayangkan kamu. Early this morning, I stopped by in front of that 'place'. I've been doing it almost every year since the past 4 years of celebrating Hari Raya alone. Each and every time I rasa nak masuk and just go to your spot. Tapi I still don't have the guts and itu yang paling I sakit hati. Ever since you gone, I just tak pernah pergi to any funeral even my atok's and nenek's. I just couldn't stand that specific memories that reminded me that you're gone. You have went to 'that' place masa I wasn't ready to let you go.

Maybe masa berlalu cepat and I banyak dah lupakan our moments. Tapi trust me, I tak pernah lupa apa saja yang you dah lakukan and sacrificed for my happiness. You taught me about commitment which I didn't have the clue at that early age. You taught me to sacrifice for the love ones. You taught me to be me. And I am so thankful for that. I sangat appreciate all of that.

There were times we fought and we argued over big things and silly things. Tapi you were the one yang selalu pujuk and mengalah. I am so sorry for that to happened. We were young; I was so naive and you were so matured for your age. I am sorry for that last phone call few hours before you left me. We argued over Hari Raya. I sentiasa rasa bersalah even until now for not being understanding enough masa tu. And worse of all, I tak sempat nak betul-betul minta maaf pada you. That is the biggest burden yang I tanggung sampai sekarang. But I hope somehow you can forgive me for that.

Sometimes I just wondered, kalau you masih ada lagi will we still be together? But I bet not. Masa akan banyak buat kita berubah. Tapi yang pastinya, you are such a wonderful person yang sentiasa buat I rasa bertuah and I will never forget you. Rasa there were so many things to share and I know mungkin you sendiri nampak from up there. Its tough and somehow you are quite lucky not to have go through all of that.

Dalam setiap doa I akan sentiasa sebut nama you. Time passes by tak bermakna I terus lupakan you and be happy. Especially when it comes to Hari Raya, it was that specific tragedy sentiasa haunting me and making me a bit turn off with this occasion; plus with many other failure near to it. I miss you so much if only you could hear me say it out. The only thing I can do is to berdoa agar you berada di tempat yang baik-baik. Again, I am so sorry for everything and I am regret not to find the courage untuk melawat you di 'situ'. Insyallah, I will one day. Terima kasih for every single thing. I miss you, I really do.

Al- Fatihah....

Perasaan Hari Ini: Terima kasih Senyum

"apa yang jadi in the past is not your lost"

Bangun pagi dengan senyuman. Rasa lebih semangat. What he said is true I guess. Hands off dah. I am feeling much better. And I am sure I will be a better person in times untuk Dia dan mereka who deserves. Terima kasih walau dengan amarah untuk sedarkan aku. You know I appreciate that, kan? Untuk hari-hari kau sudi mendengar dan berkongsi, untuk tatap muka annoyed aku, untuk dengar segala alasan aku, untuk every drop of tears yang kau keluarkan untuk sedarkan aku, untuk pengorbanan masa dan kepentingan, you know I am so thankful for all that and amat aku hargai.

Soal masa depan, belum masa nak dijadikan issue. Apa pun terima kasih atas kesanggupan untuk go through all this with me walau pada dasarnya its 'none of your business'. Sorry tiap kali aku lafazkan kata-kata yang cuba untuk menegakkan satu frasa yang aku pernah percaya dulu. Sekarang heart and soul lebih clear kan? Harap-harap hari mendatang akan jadi lebih baik dari yang terbaik.

Senyum...

Cuma Mimpi Indah

Satu persatu jari terlerai. Kini genggaman yang selama ini ku terus cuba eratkan telah kulepaskan. Jangan persoal tentang kesahihannya, kerana aku terus memaksa aku jadi aku yang itu. Pada dasarnya janji telah teringkar, kerana aku teus memaksa aku jadi aku yang itu.

Pastinya mimpi lebih indah dari nyata. Tapi aku terpaksa berhenti untuk terus bermimpi. Aku celikkan mata, bukakan hati dan bangun dari mimpi. Kerana realiti aku masih aku yang itu. Tentang perasaan jangan kamu persoalkan. Kerana kamu tahu aku masih aku yang itu. Akan ku ubah setiap cara yang telah banyak aku pelajari dalam terus melangkah jadi yang lebih baik. Untuk Dia, aku dan mereka. Mungkin persinggahan aku dalam mimpi itu akan banyak membantu aku dalam meneruskan frasa kehidupan yang mendatang. Untuk itu, terima kasih tulus dari hati aku.

Pada Dia, akan aku terus mendongak ke atas, menadah tangan, memohon doa agar semuanya baik-baik sahaja.

I don't really exist. Aku cuma mimpi indah kamu.

New Room In Need

Mood hari ni rasa macam nak cat bilik. It have been 5 years I guess since the last time I painted my room (well, not actually I painted my room. More like, someone else painted my room for me). But yes, the colour dah sort of pudar and banyak kesan-kesan yang tertanggal after a few posters and photos were been tore down from the wall. So the calm blue were no longer calm any more.

So, currently its calm blue. I was thinking of going for something sharp like red or perhaps a little soothing such as maroon, purple or grey. Tapi yellow or green are definitely off the chart. After that, I was thinking of rearrange all the furnitures and stuff. Even bilik tak sebesar mana, but it seems like lately dah macam banyak barang pulak which I don't remember bila ada kat situ. Perhaps its like another storeroom for my house I guess. So, a whole new grooming are indeed for this project.

Bila nak mula?

Well, currently masih dalam process of finding the right ideas and elaborating things. Kena juga ambil kira kesesuaian dengan the rest of the stuff yang I still want to keep. Yang tak sesuai dah tu mungkin ambil tempat di kawasan pembuangan yang berdekatan. Perhaps, bila dah start cuti raya I can start sikit-sikit sampai habis raya. I don't know, mungkin berhasil or not, but I really have to start working on it. Nak a new environment kononnya.

So wish me luck!

* gambar hiasan just to inspire.

Coming Soon : UNIQLO

This new fashion brand from Japan will be coming to Malaysia perhaps in a short period. Some say its rather much affordable dari those Topshop/ Topman price range. And as I can see on the net, the clothing line agak similar to that particular brand cuma ada juga differences between them. For more info or styling research, you can browse through www.uniqlo.com and see interesting things in it. Plus the web design are quite cool and very much interesting. Hopefully, this particular UNIQLO tak jadi those overrated clothing line pula. So fashion lovers, better put on a check on this one.

Info:
The first UNIQLO store opened in June 1984. UNIQLO enjoyed superb growth by providing high quality casual wear at remarkably low prices. Fleece campaign sparked a UNIQLO boom across Japan in 1998. The post boom period saw a comparative fall off in revenue and profit, but our timely expansion of women’s wear products helped generate a recovery in our business and saw the company generate sales of \400bln in fiscal 2006. We now boast a network of over 760 stores across Japan and we are working on increasing the UNIQLO appeal ever further through the development of 1650sqm stores (double the initial regular store size of 800sqm), and large-format stores with extensive shop floors of 3300sqm.